Last night I came to a realization
People will be nice to you for one of these three reasons
1. they want to have sex with you
2. they want to think they're nice people who care about <things>
3. they're in love with you and want to get their way with you by showing they care
I thought about a fourth reason. And there might be it. I don't deny it.
But I haven't seen it. Cause if I have, I wouldn't be feeling like this right now.
I felt my bones breaking. I wrote my last will. It was over.
It is still over. I just need the courage.
There's no turning back.
I think the choice was made months ago.
I was never really joking about it.
No one would listen.
No one would care.
I can't even get to care myself.
Today is not about poetry.
Tonight is not about blood beautifully dripping in a nice white clean sheet
Tonight is not about make up running down your cheeks
Tonight is not about your mum giving you a nice warm bath
As if you were a kid
Tonight is reality
Tonight is you
Lying on the matress, unable to breath
unable to even cut yourself
unable to exist
and unable to think of anything but <not existing>
unable to ask for help
because you don't deserve it
Tonight felt like the end again.
But here I am, again, and breathing.
And I wonder. How much will it last.
el 04 September 2017 en Belleville, New Jersey, United States 13 Vistas